Dec 13, 2023

Unfiltered Talks: Being A Woman Over 40, What It's REALLY Like and the "Ish"

Ladies, are you in your 40s and wondering if you're the only one experiencing memory fog, unexplained exhaustion, and a dramatic shift in your sex drive? You're not alone.

Many say, “40 is the old age of youth,” or "You just wait until you reach 40, it’s over the hill from there,” while others say, "This is now the best part of my life!" Either way, I find that this is more a time of self-discovery, growth, and acceptance. We're shedding old skin, embracing our authentic selves, and learning to laugh at the unexpected turns our lives take.

This article dives into the real experiences of women over 40, exploring a few of the common physical, emotional, and mental changes we encounter in this vibrant decade. From forgetting why we walked into a room to contemplating our mortality, no topic is off-limits.

I took to the streets, metaphorically that is, and asked women to tell me what their experiences have been like since hitting the big 4-0. I wish I could capture the emotions from some of the conversations, but unfortunately, it wasn’t recorded. Anyway, grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and join us on this journey of exploring the incredible world of women over 40.

NOW, LET’S TALK, BUT FIRST, TAKE THE QUIZ

Have you experienced any changes in your memory since entering your 40s?

0%Yes, and it's been quite a ride!
0%No, my memory is as sharp as ever.
0%Maybe a little, but nothing alarming
0%I'm not sure; it's hard to pinpoint.

How would you describe your energy levels in your 40s?

0%Bursting with vitality!
0%Energetic, but with occasional slumps.
0%Constantly tired; I need a recharge.
0%I'm in the zero-energy zone more often than not.

Have you thought more about your mortality since turning 40?

0%Yes, it's been on my mind quite a bit.
0%Occasionally, but I try to stay in the present.
0%Not really; I'm focused on the now.
0%Mortality? That's not something I dwell on.

How has your sex drive changed, if at all, in your 40s?

0%Increased and loving it!
0%About the same as before.
0%Fluctuating; some days more, some days less.
0%Decreased or changed significantly.

What's the most empowering lesson you've learned or changed you've embraced in your 40s?

0%Saying "no" and setting boundaries.
0%Embracing self-love and acceptance.
0%Prioritizing mental and physical well-being.
0%Social changes (e.g., relationships, friendships, career)

You can vote for more than one answer.

Oh, Shattered Memory

Is your brain feeling like a sieve?

Memory loss was the most common response received. One person said, “My memory is the worst; I pick up the phone then can't remember who I'm calling, I turn on the computer and can't remember what I was about to do, I climb the stairs and can't even recall where I'm going.” Many ladies said that they’d be standing in front of the refrigerator wondering why they opened the door in the first place, then, while they’re halfway through something else, they remember and turn back, not remembering where they were headed next. Most have also said their phones and notebooks have become their best friends - jotting down everything so they forget nothing. I have now, admittedly, taken a seat on this struggle bus. Sigh! Is there a tablet for this?

Mayo Clinic provides 7 tips they believe might help:

Include physical activity in your daily routine,
Stay mentally active,
Socialize regularly,
Get organized,
Sleep well,
Eat a healthy diet and
Manage chronic conditions.

Zero Energy Dilemma

Do you constantly ask yourself, “Why do I feel like this? Why don’t I want to do anything?”

Are you feeling like this too? Zero energy for anything? Yes, said 50% of the women who answered. According to a few of the women, they were ready to retire and go live in a hut on the beach or a cabin in the hills; with a few cases of wine preferably. I’m starting a beach hut wine and coffee club – who’s in?

“I am no longer interested in partying.”

Mortality Musings

“I'm coming to terms with my mortality as I recognize that I may have more years behind me than I have ahead of me,” said one respondent.

Another said, “I opened up to my kids about my finances, so they know where to find everything in the event death visits me before them.”

One person said, “I turned 40 and all I seem to think about now is when I’m gonna die, is that normal?”

All of the above are normal. Many people start to think about their mortality once they reach a certain age. The fact is, our mortality is inevitable, we just don’t know when. That’s why we need to live life to the fullest, be grateful for everything, love unconditionally, and make peace with whatever is burdening our souls.

“I spend more of my time thinking about retirement and preparing myself now for that phase.”

AND THE CHANGES CONTINUE

Sex Drive Chronicles

Now this had mixed commentary, from the lost appetite for sex to the I can’t have enough of it, to the dry-like chip vajayjays. Then some are stuck somewhere in the middle – want it but can do without it for days, months even, while some have chosen a life of celibacy.

One lady said, “I feel like I’m raping my husband, I believe he’s going to start hiding from me soon.” Girl, I really, really, really, don't think he will.

I've been through all of the above, except now, my sex drive is through the roof. I’m a walking, talking, ticking time bomb of sex-filled energy. Just in case you fall into this category and need help, remember you can always help yourself. Get you a Mr. Purple!

It's so interesting that we notice so many things after the age of 40. And not only do we notice them, but we have come to terms with a lot of it.

"As a woman, you should be more at ease with your sexuality when you are in your 40s. You are more self-assured about that part. And that’s the way it should be.” ~ Salma Hayek

HIGHLIGHTS OF MORE CHANGES

“I'm embracing my grays,” and “I color my hair every opportunity I get.” Two different ends of the spectrum. However, for me, I'm embracing my gray hairs, the ones on my head that is.
“My over 40 experiences have been immense fun.”
“I'm more at peace with saying NO.” Isn’t this a beautiful thing? Boy, I tell you; it’s emancipating!
“I am enjoying more alone time.”
“Hot flashes – it’s like a plague.”
"Peri-menopause and menopause are like the rhetorical question you never asked.
"My way to describe it is, you’re on top of a hill looking down.”

“I don't sweat the small stuff. Everything will work itself out and this day will pass and go into tomorrow where I'll have another opportunity to figure things out.”

This journey is as diverse as we women who navigate it, so let's embrace the "ish" and all, and thrive beyond our 40s!

Cheers❤️

Deon Cecile

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Welcome to my blog, "Penned Inspiration," an expressive hub where I find joy in sharing my inspirations and stories. I am Deon Cecile, a Jamaican Writer, Blogger, and Aspiring Author. This space is dedicated to stories about Women Over 40, Wellness, Lifestyle, Organizing, Decluttering, and pretty much anything that I find fun and inspiring. I invite you to delve into my content today and discover something that may help/inspire you, or make you smile. I hope you enjoy reading and please feel free to leave a comment or idea below, I'd love to hear from you.